us cynical dreamers (we deserve everything but this hell)
by MedusaOfTheSpecies
Summary: There is a girl who shines brighter than the night sky and a boy named after the moon, and together, they survive even the darkest of nights — RemusLily friendship, for QLFC Round 12 and the Arithmancy Assignment.


**Written for:**

QLFC Round 12: Lily & Remus as classmates, (word) fix, (phrase) A man is known by the company he keeps, (dialogue) "Move away from the door and let me at him!"

Newt's Suitcase Challenge (Character: Lily Evans)

Arithmancy Assignment (Task two: write about someone bringing another person out of the dark.)

Showtime ("I hope you don't mind.")

Days of the Month (Unfriend day.)

Restriction of the Month (Prompt: silver.)

Princess Day (Poppy-Write about somebody saving their friends).

Extreme thanks to Bex and Amber for being amazing and editing! Love you two.

 **us cynical dreamers (we deserve everything but this hell)**

Lily sits on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, her legs swinging in the freezing air below. It's been another one of those sleepless nights, of those empty weeks, of those broken years.

She knows she's not a good person but she doesn't think she deserves this either, because there's still a Severus Snape sized hole in her heart and she misses her former best friend, despite him everything she can never forgive. There's still his name on her lips in the middle of a potions class, still his stories in the back of her mind, still his friendship lingering of the edges of her shattered heart.

"Lily?"

Lily turns to see Remus standing at the entrance to the tower, his hands still balanced on the ladder like he's looking for an escape route.

She can't even blame him—her hair is all over the place and her eyes are wild. The word _Mudblood_ is still ringing in the back of her head like a funeral march.

Still, Remus doesn't look much better. She can see the way he slouches from exhaustion, his eyes framed by swollen purple bags. He looks like he's been through hell.

"What are you doing here?" She asks back, rotating so she can look him in the eye.

Remus waves his hand and she now sees a piece of paper held in it. It's an astronomy chart, the exact same as the one she left on the floor earlier.

"Astronomy homework," he says sheepishly, forcing a smile.

Lily waves her hand. "Oh, same," she says airily, gesturing to her own.

His eyes flicker to the ground and then up again when he realizes hers is as empty as his is. It's an excuse for both of them and as their eyes lock, Lily lifts an eyebrow. _Call me out on it if you dare,_ her eyes promise, _but know I will do the same to you._

Luckily, Remus seems to get it because his face softens as he approaches. "We can do it together then," he offers.

It's an appeasement. Lily wonders what he's hiding away from, why a werewolf wants to watch the moon and feel miles away, but his offer is kind, and she hasn't felt real friendship since the day Severus left her all alone.

"Sure," she says, scooching over to give him room. "Pass me mine, will you?"

 **x**

Lily's back the next night, watching the stars twinkle in the sky. It's peaceful, the way she can look out at the Hogwarts grounds with no another soul in sight, just her, miles above the ground.

"Lily?"

She can't even fake surprise that he's back. Loneliness is a twisted thing, consuming you unless you have something or someone to get your mind off it, unless you have a friend.

"Missed me so much you had to follow me up here?" she teases and Remus laughs, walking over and settling down beside her.

"I need this," he says, waving his hand around to encompass their surroundings. "I hope you don't mind."

She gets that. "Plenty of space," Lily says, imitating his hand motion, and the world burns brighter for just a minute.

 **x**

Remus's feeling of betrayal is a burning thing, his inner anger roaring to the surface like a crescendo of flames.

"What happened last night?" Lily says, keeping her tone low enough to catch his attention but not loud enough to startle him. Her voice is demanding in its curiosity but then again, she's rarely gentle these days.

"Sirius sent Snape to die," Remus snaps back. Lily winces; there are few ways Sirius could have tried to kill Severus Snape the night of the full moon and she can tell exactly which way even a former Black would go for.

Lily nods slowly, letting out her breath with a whoosh sound. "Are you going to forgive him?"

"Forgive him?" Remus's words contain a disgusted kind of shock, so different from his regular soft kindness. His jumper is ruffled and Lily unconsciously reaches over and adjusts it for him, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, forgive him," Lily drawls, mimicking his tone. "That's what people tend to do in these kind of situations: they either forgive or don't."

Remus's entire body tenses at her word and she can see the exact moment he explodes. "What do you know about forgiveness?" he snaps and she can see exhaustion in the way anger pulls at the lines on his face. "You're a hypocrite, Lily."

The world stills. "What did you just say to me?" Lily asks, and her heart beats so fast its echoes sound like gunshots.

"I'm sorry, Lily," Remus tries and Lily looks at him, and he went too far and she thinks she might hate every part of him that thought those words were okay, but she remembers herself after Severus hissed _Mudblood_ , the way she lashed out right and left and broke everything in her path. It's miles from okay but she gets it, how the pain cuts so deep you feel it will eat you from inside out.

"Never say that again. Never, do you hear me?" Lily demands, her voice sharp in threat.

Remus collapses in relief, nodding against her side. "Never," he promises. "But you get why I can't forgive him. Lily, if I killed Snape—"

"Then you would have been killed by the Ministry yourself," Lily interrupts. "I'm not saying you should forgive him now, but I doubt he thought about that. Snape isn't innocent in this either, Remus. He wanted to catch and report you, that would have killed you anyways. Don't give credit when neither of those two deserve it."

Remus sighs, running his hand across the ledge. Around them, the dark night seems to taunt. "I miss the days when things were easy to fix," he confesses. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Lily shrugs. She has no more idea than he does, but he has a friend. Three, actually, and she knows he'll forgive Sirius, dragging the number up to four.

"How about doing your Astronomy homework?" she asks instead and Remus's smile is so soft and grateful that no words are needed.

 **x**

"I can't believe it, sometimes."

Remus looks up, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What can't you believe?"

Lily shrugs, shifting around to get into a more comfortable position. "Our friendship. The war. The fact that as much as I loathe it, Potter may not be the worst person alive. Take your pick, honestly."

Remus laughs, leaning on Lily's shoulder. She grabs his cup of tea with an accustomed ease, not even worrying about the long fall down if she loses her balance.

"You know that I'll always be there for you, right?" Remus asks quietly, his words muffled against Lily's sweater. "No matter what happens. You.. you were there for me at a time when nobody else was."

"Even if I break Potter's heart?" Lily jokes, but she knows her voice has an undercurrent of something serious behind it. Losing her friendship with Remus is something unthinkable—she's not sure she would survive it.

"Even if you do," Remus confirms, his eyes twinkling mischievously. "And if he breaks yours... Well, I'll tell you to move away from the door and let me at him!"

Lily laughs, throwing her head back as she shakes in happiness, but she quickly sobers up, leaning closer to him. "You know I love you, Remus? Always."

"I love you too," he replies gently, wrapping an arm around her as they sit and watch the stars shape the future around them.

 **x**

This story does not have an ending, for friendship is immortal in a way few other things are, but it has a middle that goes like this:

There is a girl who shines brighter than the night sky and a boy named after the moon, and together, they survive even the darkest of nights.


End file.
